Ug or Andrew Klavan whines about liberals.

This is a CNSNews interview on EyeBlast with Andrew Klavan, a self-professed conservative, Christian novelist and screenwriter complaining about the left.

Andrew Klavan complains

I’ll get into anti-American, anti-military, anti-religious in a second. Klavan’s been in more studio meetings than I’ve been in, and maybe there’s some truth to what he’s saying about the “disturbing culture” in Hollywood. But this claim that one can’t talk about so-called conservative and specifically religious views seems utter bullshit to me. How do I know this?

The Passion of the Christ

Motherfucker made gobs and gobs of money. It’s true, in development, everyone turned it down. Not because it was a religious movie, but because any religious movie, at the time, seemed too risky. What happened after TPotC raked in all that cash? Besides Gibson going on his “sugar tits” rant? Many of the major studios and mini-majors opened Christian-oriented labels, divisions, etc. Why?


It’s true, no Christian-themed film that’s come out since has made as much cash as TPotC, but that hasn’t stopped everyone from trying! Is that because they all suddenly found the Christian God? Nope.


Trust me. If, somehow, Satanic-themed films suddenly became all the rage, that’s what Hollywood would make. It’s true. Hollywood has a bias. Towards:


But most of this is common knowledge to just about everyone in the western world. Thus, I don’t know why people like Klavan insist on his viewpoint. Surely, with the success that he’s had, he must know that Hollywood could give two shits about who’s in the White House or what religious or anti-religious view people hold. As long as they think they can make a buck, that’s what they’ll do.

Moving on.

“How about if the HERO was a Christian? Instead of only the villain? What would THAT be like?”

I know Klavan hasn’t been living in a fucking cave, but last I checked, most movies not only frequently portray heroes who are Christians in a good light, but often, the hero’s arc is: He’s lost his faith –> he regains his faith. Anybody remember Signs? How about Man on Fire? These were not fringe indies, people. They were both made by mainstream directors at mainstream studios. The former made a lot of money. The latter not so much. Anybody seen a film in which the priest hero has faith then loses it in the end and it’s portrayed as a good thing?

Me neither.

“I’m speaking, I think, to a majority of Americans. To a majority of values. Natural values.”

Values. I hate that word. It used to be such a fine, useful word. But since it became code for “no pee pee in butt”, “poor people don’t count”, or “anything Rush or George or Glenn says is true”, it was ruined.

You know what, jerkoff? We atheistic, liberal whackos have values too! We love our families. We love our friends. We even eat hotdogs once in a while! (No, not the euphemistic kind) Some of us voted for Barack AND were grievously annoyed at the bank bailout. Don’t fucking go and paste your label and assume that we don’t share it.

Oh, who am I kidding? He and many like him will continue to do so. It’s poisoning the well. It’s a false dichotomy. And, judging from voting patterns of the last 30 or so years, it works. Why stop?

“We’re gonna have a faith [studio] division.”

I forgot he brought this up. Funny, how he acknowledges the establishment of labels, divisions, and such, but he still complains that no one wants to do anything like what he’s promoting.

“Could you cut out some of the religious references?”

The problem is you. Yes, Klavan. You. Remember why no one wanted to make TPotC? Because no one wanted to piss anyone off? How could they? Because every time anyone of fame or notoriety brings up anything religious, he has to be very careful that he’s bringing the reference up in exactly the way that WON’T piss off a lot of people.

I haven’t seen Book of Eli yet. I don’t know what happens in it. But you can be damn sure that with any reference brought up in it there were discussions. Who knows what Methodists will think if you use Book:Verse in a certain scene in a certain way? Who knows what the Pentecostals will think about the same verse? In my many discussions with Christians, there are almost as many interpretations of verse as there are popular verses. None of them can agree on fucking anything! That’s why there are so many sects. So, if you’re a studio head and you’re already committing to a film about the Bible, you’re sure as fuck not gonna risk pissing millions of people off by adding this verse or pissing millions of other people off by cutting that one.

Y’all aren’t in the same fucking club.

Okay, all the “anti-“s. The problem I have with this is not only is it a gross generalization, but it’s also a lie.

Anti-American. I’m not anti-American. I’m
anti-some-shit-that-America-does. Maybe quite a bit. But the point is, I’m not wholesale, let’s-get-rid-of-the-country. Honestly, I don’t even care that much about the government. The point is, though, despite the fact that I’m an atheist liberal, I don’t hate America.

Anti-military. I’m not anti-military. I’m anti-military-worship. I’m anti-don’t-EVER-criticize-or-question-the-military. I’m
anti-let’s-give-almost-all-our-money-to-the-military-to-fight-a-war-that-isn’t-justified. But when it comes down to it, if someone wants to join up to go and kill people he’s never met for a cause he doesn’t understand, for very little money, have at it! But if he makes that choice, and yes, it is a choice, then if he gets killed or maimed, that’s his fucking problem.

Given that, this next bit may surprise you. I whole-heartedly support the government footing the entire bill for veterans for the rest of their fucking lives. Anything you need, guys. Anything. Want a new house? Here you go! Widescreen not wide enough? Here’s a bigger one! Kids want another trip to Disneyland this month? Skip the line! Because, whether I agree with whatever war or not, if someone is willing to get killed or maimed for their government, then the government owes them. For-fucking-ever.

Top THAT, Glenn Beck!

Anti-religion. I am vehemently anti-religion. I’ve said why before. I think religions are massive bureaucracies afforded money, power, and respect they never earned and don’t deserve. And I’m sick of being told I’m skeptical, cynical, or just plain a jerk for feeling that way.

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