Fuck you, #DiabloCody and your upcoming #LambofGod, for (potentially) wasting our fucking time!

I saw Juno.  I liked it.  Spunky little Ellen Page gets all spunky. Didn’t care for the Jen Garner character.  Don’t remember much of the rest of it.  Juno’s pregnant, right?

I didn’t see Jennifer’s Body.  Looked like a post-Oscar win follow-up trying to rebottle the lightning.  And failing.  Plus, it seemed like the general public was catching on to what I’d said all along.  Spunky dialogue does not a great movie make.  Quirk for quirk’s sake is the tool of amateurs.  Lines like “MovingOn dot org” scream “Please still love me, please think I’m hip and edgy, please keep me relevant!”

Since Juno and J’s B, I haven’t paid much attention to Cody.  I saw some headline about her adapting the Sweet Valley High series, but I didn’t care because I’m not a pre-pubescent, bored, still-crushing-on-the-flavor-of-the-month boy-band-cutie girl.

Recently, I saw this courtesy of Deadline.com:

“Mandate Pictures has acquired Lamb of God, a script by Juno scribe Diablo Cody that will mark her feature directorial debut. Mason Novick (500 Days Of Summer) will produce. Mandate president Nathan Kahane will executive produce alongside Cody. Mandate has the project on the fast track and will begin casting right away. The comedy follows a
young conservative religious woman who loses her faith after a plane crash. She decides to go to Vegas and live the life of a sinner, and somehow finds her faith along the way. ”

Previously, the biggest thing that annoyed the fuck out of me about Cody was not her stellar success handed to her on a silver platter with no real effort, sweat, or struggle on her part, but how she frankly looks, sounds, and acts exactly like all the self–important goth/alterna-chick/riot-grrrl girls I knew in high school.  You know the ones I mean.  Dressed in black.  Or in the latest retro-fashionable fashion.  Breakfast at Tiffany’s ‘do.  The more obscure or foreign the pop culture reference the better. Ob-fucking-noxious.

Now there’s this.

Let’s set aside for the moment the whole story arc of losing-faith-at-the-beginning-regaining-it-at-the-end has been done. (Throw up those Signs if you know what I’m saying!)  What really bothers me about this is that with Cody’s current industry hotness, she could potentially do whatever (low-budget indie) project she wants.

And this is what she chose.

How about this, Cody?  How about doing something daringly original, not nauseatingly safe?  I know, you’ll still have your touch of quirky female characters who are quirky and say quirky stuff in a quirky way (quirk!), but why don’t you do soething in-SANE and do a movie where the lead character HAS faith in the beginning, LOSES it in the end,
only to discover how GREAT it is!  They discover the freedom and happiness of not subscribing to fairy tales or irrational fear of make-believe dungeons to guide their lives.  They discover knowledge, pleasure, and challenges they’d previously never imagined or had considered taboo.  And it’s a GOOD thing!

(Speaking of good things, can a religious person please, PLEASE tell me why faith–belief in something without evidence or despite evidence to the contrary–is a good thing?  Please?)

Look, I haven’t seen the movie.  Maybe it’ll be awesome.  Maybe the whole tease right now is just that, a tease.  Maybe Cody will do something actually cool rather than a critically approved cool.  And if that’s the case, Cody, if you stretch out and truly stick it to Hollywood and tell them and the world that not only is it okay to lose one’s faith, but awesome, then I extend to you my sincerest apologies and prejudgements.  And I apologize for the “obnoxious” comments.

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